The failure of perfectionism
We all know that we learn through mistakes, but over-coming perfectionism can be hard. Personally, this disease of perfectionism has been one of my greatest challenges.
I call it that because a disease is a pathological condition that makes you ill. And perfectionism is just that. It’s a deviation from our natural state of (self) love to a state that’s more about being at war with yourself.
Perfectionism disconnects you from your primary source of love – yourself – because it’s about external validation, measuring up to self-imposed standards, love with a price tag.
Do you relate? Perfectionism is also pathological in its pervasiveness. Its roots are often embedded in our subconscious – so deep we don’t even know they’re there! For me, I saw with fresh eyes that perfectionism lurks at my corners only after working through illness, life trauma and doing soul work such as hypnotherapy, meditation and Akashic readings.
Where does perfectionism come from?
There is usually a web of inter-connected reasons, some of which could be:
Family dynamics, childhood patterning
Social conditioning and unconscious bias
Environmental influences – including expectations put onto us by others
Soul journeys or life purpose – we learn lessons through overcoming the challenge of perfectionism
Past lives – including karma or soul contracts that we may need to heal and close off in this lifetime.
I believe my soul chose perfectionism because in overcoming it I’ve fundamentally come back to the source: self-love. And along the way, I’ve evolved and learnt important lessons, all of which are helping me it fulfil my life purpose – to help people Live In Beauty.
Yes, Live In Beauty looks like just another perfectionist goal! I thought so, too. Then I had my first Akashic reading and realised that beauty is soul deep; that Live In Beauty describes my value-driven approach to career and work, centered around bringing people fulfilment and joy.
To describe this better, try this simple exercise of replacing the word “beauty” with “love”:
Life in beauty >> Life in love
The beauty of nature >> The love of nature
I am drawn to his beauty >> I am drawn to his love
Her creation was a thing of beauty >> Her creation was a thing of love
How do you cure the disease of perfectionism?
All you need is love. It’s true, self-love is the cure-all. The key (as Shrek and Donkey summed up nicely) is to peel back the layers to get to the root causes of your perfectionism. Reach into your subconscious, go back to that moment when you were three years old.
My formula for treating perfectionism…
Make yourself number one - no matter what. This is the pivotal act of self-love. Choose it daily: transform yourself within before anything can change externally, or in the physical.
Acknowledge perfectionism for the shadow it really is. Then forgive yourself for it.
Intend to heal yourself – intention is powerful, and activates the law of attraction.
Seek to understand – onion time. Start to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings when perfectionism strikes. What triggered you? Ask for answers, and see what comes up in your life. If it’s a challenge around perfectionism, pay attention and learn the lesson. This will clear you, free you up.
Keep going. Things will get better as the perfectionism dwindles. You’ll care less of what other people think, you will start to change things in your life, you’ll be happier.
Take the help. What feels right for you. For me, it was hypnotherapy that led me to the Akashic Records and energy work. Talk to friends who are on a similar path. Trust your intuition and what feels right to you – tell your mind to take a backset, please.
Perfectionism: a curable disease, after all. A (perfectly) wrapped gift just waiting for you to rip the paper off. Thank you, perfectionism, for all you have taught me! Now goodbye, and goodnight.
